Independence Day

It has been nearly a year since my last post - how in the world did that happen? I've thought about capturing events and memorable non-events in this space so often over the last twelve months, but as the time ticked by it seemed more and more daunting to "catch up" here.
So, in order to "just do it" I've decided to save the catching up for later posts and instead start writing about now.

My now is quite peaceful actually. Surprising since it comes at the end of another day-long car trip with our expanded family. J and I are so blessed to have such amazing travelers in our boys.

This is the 2nd road trip as a family (our first was at the beginning of June to NC that I will hopefully document soon) and our first hotel stay. We are heading to Charleston for a long visit with my family and decided to break up the journey with an overnight in Greenville, SC. As I write in our hotel room at The Phoenix - an old, nicely kept, and barely occupied hotel - I am serenaded by the ocean sounds of A's Sleep Sheep and the pop, pop, pop of 4th of July fireworks a few miles down the road in Downtown. N sleeps soundly in his Moses basket, arms up in the Touchdown position, on the other side of the bed. He'll likely be down for another hour or so before asking for a final meal and then settling in for the night. As friends and relatives have heard me say, this boy has a set of lungs on him during the daytime, but at night, he found a way very quickly to sleep so soundly. He even wakes at night very quietly - an incredible gift to his parents, weary of his pterydactyl-like cries during the day. (You have gotten so much better over the last few weeks, though, honey)

J sits in a chair beside me reading. He is off of school for the summer and still chooses free reading books related to his studies - a telltale sign that the path he is on is indeed the perfect one for him.

This being the first time in a long time that we have slept in the same room as A, who is now 17 months old and much more aware of things at bedtime, we have minimal lights on and are speaking in whispers. So far so good.

A is a Wright road tripping veteran and even with his toddler-sized energy and attention span, he continues to amaze us with his ability to stay mostly happy in the car. The downside to these trips is the lack of physical exertion due to being strapped into a car seat for hours on end - yes, we do take breaks and a big THANK YOU to Truett Cathy for his Chick Fil A restaurants with indoor playards, reasonable kids meals, and amazingly helpful staff who are more than willing to help a momma juggling an infant in a carseat, a diaper bag for two, a wallet, and beverages. We do our best to give A chances to stretch his legs a little, but still, there's no way to work out all of that energy. So, when we arrived at the hotel, he was busy busy playing with the hotel stationary, mommy's nursing pillow, the hotel shampoo and conditioner (some yummy Bath and Body Works flavors, I might add), the hotel phone (Mommy unplugged it in order to avoid some unintended "incedentals"), and anything else he could get his hands on. He would walk around with the shampoo and conditioner and then hand one of them to you with such joy on his face you'd get a tear in your eye. But, best not try to take it from him :) He also found climbing and sitting on the ottoman good fun . . . we managed to let him do this by himself without injury and were as pleased as he was when he maneuvered himself down on his belly, feet first. Our boy grows up by the day.

We began this journey by bidding farewell to Wawa (J's mother) who flew back to NC after spending a wonderful and eventful week with us. As she said this morning, she came to Nashville with three grandsons and left with four - J's sister gave birth to a baby boy (her second son) on Saturday morning. Wawa drove from our house to IN for a quick visit with her older daughter, son-in-law and grandson and just hours after she left to return to Nashville, C went into labor! Talk about timing! Mom and baby were doing wonderfully at last report.
In the week that transpired since we returned from our trip to NC and prepared for this current venture, we've packed a lot in, including beginning demolition on the back of our home for our renovation, taking advantage of Nashville's summer Musicians' Corner series, and attending the incredible U2 360 concert (this will likely warrant its own post, but suffice it to say that it was quite an entertaining spectacle).

But now...all is quiet except for the sporadic bursts of sound and light from the holiday celebrations outside and I am content.

Celebrating Small Days

Today was one of those days...one of those days that I will reflect on fondly for many years to come. It was one of those days that seemed to capture so much of life’s new rhythm as parents, as a family. This was not a big day like yesterday –our fourth wedding anniversary - rather it was a small day. It offered beauty in its simplicity. It was one of those rare days that was full but not busy. What we did might be considered mundane but it was meaningful. It started with bagels in the shade of a cool spring morning at Star Bagel. Smiles spread around the patio as Anderson pointed and babbled incoherently. Next we headed to Cheekwood Botanical Gardens where we delighted in Anderson’s mesmerized exploration of the outdoor Trains! exhibit. There was wonder, infectious laughter as well as defiant crying.

Back at home, while the boys worked in a rare simultaneous nap, Jill & I teamed up to actually clean the floor after weeks of Anderson’s relentless blitzkrieg of tossing food from the high chair. I swept as Jill followed with her prized infomercial loot – the Shark steam mop. I’m still not convinced that it is the most important invention since the home computer but the hardwoods do look nice. We both felt an odd sense of accomplishment at the completion of this menial but all too neglected task. We then packed up our burgeoning family of four into the mini-van and claimed our spots as VIPs for Cupcake-Palooza 2. This sugar slamfest was a tasty fundraiser for Books for Birth which promotes childhood literacy by offering free books to every child in Tennessee. With the three solid food eaters in the full throws of a sugar rush we darted to the playground where Anderson showcased his rapidly improving walking/running skills.



Our arrival back at home invoked the end–of-day routine – a divide and conquer approach with Jill feeding Nathan while I supervised Anderson’s bath and got him into his pajamas. Oh, the joy of splashing. Why do we ever stop splashing? In honor of the day we read “The Little Engine that Could” and “I Dream of Trains.” Then, with a click of the lamp I put Anderson in his crib and sat down in the chair across the room. He was too tired to offer much protest although occasionally he would peer at me through the slats of his crib. He didn’t need to be held –else he would have cried - but just wanted to know that I was still there. As he drifted off the room slowly darkened and I listened to the music that was singing him to sleep. It was JT – the original one – reminding me to “shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.” I could feel myself actually begin to unwind, loosen, and soften from the collective tension of the last few months.

We didn’t do much today but we shared plenty. We were simply together – here - now. I began to more fully appreciate the rare opportunity we have this summer. With Jill on maternity leave and my graduate studies complete until the fall, the four of us will be stumbling our way into this family thing full-time for the next few months. And this day was a great way to get things started. I’m sure there are many big days ahead for us. But today a small day was just fine.

Wright Again

“I think we’ve played this out.” With this assessment from Jill’s OB at her weekly visit at 39 weeks and 3 days we entered the home stretch of Baby Dub #2’s arrival. We quickly picked up Anderson and left him at home with super-neighbor Sarah Brown before heading to Vanderbilt Medical Center. Meanwhile, Sassy, Papa & WaWa (the grandparents) jumped in the car & started their 7+ hour race across the mountains to join us in Music City.

By 7pm Nurse Kim had Jill settled into room 11 and Jonathan began the “Dublivery” tunes spinning. After a litany of consults the first dose of Pitocin was administered around 9:15 after which we rested as much as possible to the quiet sounds of a rapid heart beat on the monitor. At 1:30am we entered “active labor” and shortly thereafter Jill was “comfortably numb” although Pink Floyd was not part of the playlist. Our parents made a groggy arrival around 3 a.m. and after a short visit they set up camp and caught some zzzz’s in those oh-so-comfortable (Sleep #0) waiting room chairs.

Just after 5:00am Jill reported that she felt some pressure/movement downward. Dr. Mody’s hasty consult revealed that the baby had dropped and that Jill was a full 10cm dilated at which point things moved very quickly. Before I could even give the grandparents a heads up the “let’s try a test push” turned into a mad scramble of staff & equipment as Jill put her previous delivery skills to work. She was determined to avoid the grueling 2.5 hours of active pushing from Anderson but she exceeded even her own expectations by pushing him out with 4 or 5 pushes in just a handful of minutes. The staff quickly placed the baby on Jill’s chest for the ever-important skin-on-skin time so we both discovered together – at 5:41am on April 20 - that our new little one was another son.

Nathan Carl produced the expected wail and immediately began rooting around. Nathan is a tribute to a paternal great uncle (as well as a nod to Daddy) and Carl gives a nod to great-grandfathers on both sides of the family. After cuddling briefly Jonathan escorted Nathan to the nursery where they hoped to get his slightly low body temperature up a bit. The staff then got Jill patched up and she visited with the surprised grandparents while Nathan had another check-up and first bath. By 8:15 Nathan & I rejoined Jill so that he could get some breakfast. Later in the morning Sharon, Dave & Regina went to our house to take over Anderson duties and get some desperately needed rest. Later that afternoon they returned to the hospital with Anderson in tow where he met his little brother for the first time. Nathan was thoughtful enough to get his big brother two books with lots of pictures of dogs so Anderson was immediately won over. In fact, he seems to be taking his big brother responsibilities quite seriously as he decided to take his first steps for mommy & daddy in the hospital room.

We are touched by and so appreciative of the slew of calls, texts and Facebook well wishes. Indeed, it takes a village to raise a child and we are fortunate to have so many generous and supportive people with whom to share this magical journey.

Nathan Carl Wright
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
5:41am, 7 lbs. 7oz.

Hopes of a New Father

Today marks 6 months since Anderson Sidney joined our family so I thought this 1/2 year milestone would be a good time to share something that I wrote in the hospital awaiting his arrival.

January 27, 2010

As I write this the sound of your erratic heartbeat fills the room as I watch Jill rest peacefully. So many thoughts, fears, hopes, anxieties fill my mind…about your future and the daunting task of parenting for which I am so simultaneously excited and intimidated. The literature and advice are abundant. I obviously can’t learn it all nor be the perfect parent. But here are some of my hopes for you.

I hope that you...

cultivate a love of nature that inspires you to both explore and enjoy it as well as protect and conserve it

develop the courage to take risks and the judgment to make good decisions

learn how to forgive yourself and all those around you, including your mother and me, who will surely disappoint and fail you

are ambitious - but not just professionally. I hope you set goals in your personal life, too. Learn a new language, volunteer, travel etc. I hope you learn the difference between a job and a vocation and pursue the latter.

are not embarrassed or ashamed to cry in front of others and learn that strength comes through vulnerability, intimacy from shared struggle

maintain your curiosity and develop a passion for learning that fuels your growth throughout your life

listen closely to the advice, criticism and reassurances you offer to others as it is the best indication of what you need to hear or feel

develop a healthy self-esteem and an even more healthy sense of humility

feel listened to and heard even when we disagree and that you will make the time and effort to really listen to others

learn to acknowledge when you are wrong and offer a genuine apology

not only accept the mysteries of life but actually embrace the beauty of the unknown rather than fearing it

spend less time trying to understand God and more time experiencing & reflecting something larger than yourself , where God is less subject and more verb, less belief and more action, less judgment and more forgiveness, that takes shape as beauty, gentleness, grace, comfort and of course, love

read & listen to different opinions and always hold loosely to what you’re convinced you know to be true

don’t ever forget to laugh – especially at yourself

experience “the hunch” about someone like I did about your mother

learn to walk through and with your grief rather than around or past it

experience friendship that overcomes the miles and time that so often separate us

become comfortable in silence – with yourselves and others

focus more on contributing rather than consuming

maintain a commitment to generosity that overcomes your resentment of being taking advantage of

find a way to embrace, integrate and share all of who you are and have experienced - the good and bad, successes and failures, joys and sorrows

worry less about proving yourself and more about being yourself

cultivate perseverance in pursuit of your dreams and the patience and acceptance required when life inevitably does not go as you planned

consider the wisdom and advice of others while also trusting your instincts

learn to win and lose graciously

appreciate the importance of reflection without being paralyzed by regret and self doubt

find the difficult balance between unselfishness and self-neglect. Taking care of yourself is the most effective way to maintain your ability to take care of others

have the ability to push yourself beyond your limits while still appreciating the serenity of a power nap

leave home, find yourself, succeed on your own and then choose to “come back home”

take pride in whatever you do without being tormented by perfectionism

root for the Tar Heels but more importantly that at some point you experience the indelible sense of connection to a transformative place, time, and experience like Chapel Hill was for me

enjoy hiking and camping but more importantly that you find a hobby/activity that replenishes your spirit and rejuvenates your soul

are captivated by the simplicity of a campfire but more importantly that you somehow experience the peaceful stillness that solitude and reflection offer

take the time to drive across the country and study abroad but more importantly that you make the time to explore your world in the ways that it fascinates you

appreciate the music of Patty Griffin and David Wilcox but more importantly that you find art, literature, interests that comfort, inspire and give voice to what you have trouble expressing

like to sing with your mother and me during long road trips in the car but more importantly that you’ll find someone with whom you can let your guard down, be silly, and playful

Above all, my goal as your father is to support and affirm all of who you are and become. My love for you is unconditional…except for that part about the Tar Heels ;) I don’t want you to become me I want you to become you – whatever and whoever that is. Sure, I hope that you enjoy some of the pleasures in life that bring me joy but I am even more eager to experience all the ways that you will shape and influence me as well. Oh, and one more thing - please don’t waste your time trying to earn my approval – just let me know if you don’t sense it or believe it. I’ll be glad to remind and reassure you.

On the road again

After waking at 3:30 a.m. this morning to the sound of the alarm and not Anderson, I am writing from the plane on my way to Minneapolis for my first business trip as a mother. So far, so good as can be. Last night Anderson and I went through an abridged version of our evening routine (since returning to work, my time with Anderson is focused mainly in the evenings and includes bathtime and going to bed). He is a "natural eater" and seems to have taken to eating from a spoon as easily as he took to nursing. I gave him a small bottle just before bed and as I held him at my shoulder to burp him, he snuggled into my neck (that's my favorite) and started to fall asleep. Rather than moving on to our book reading, I just held him like that and shed a few tears as I thought about leaving him in the morning for my trip. I will only be gone for three days, and I didn't sob, but it was hard to think of leaving him this time and the many times that will occur in the coming months. It is also hard to leave Jonathan knowing how much he will be juggling as a single dad while I'm away. He will do it amazingly, I know, but it will be exhausting.

After my little cry, we did read the Going to Bed Book, sang my new favorite lullaby - Stay Awake from Mary Poppins, said our prayers, and A quietly went down for the night (or at least the next few hours). Then, I resumed packing and tried to get myself tired enough to go to sleep early.

In preparation for this momentous journey, I began weaning two weeks ago. I've been meaning to write a little bit about this because there was more emotion attached to it than I had anticipated. Yes, I know that an income is a good thing and I am ever grateful for my job, but I have to admit some resentment at needing to cut short my time nursing in order to begin leaving my family for days at a time. There's something peculiar about that. Add to this the fact that I actually enjoyed nursing, most of the time. It was something that only I could for A and I took a lot of pride in that. Sure, it was inconvenient at times - like when running errands - but on the whole, I relished this time with A, even in the middle of the night. There is something incredible about the whole process and something special about those times when I was all he needed to feel safe and secure and nourished. And in the times when it didn't come easily my empathy grew so much deeper for friends who tried valiantly to nurse and in the end were not able to do it. The bonds between mother and child can certainly be as strong through bottle feeding - one need only look at the relationship between my mother and me for confirmation of that - and perhaps things won't go as smoothly with our next child. But, with Anderson, as a brand new mother, nursing has been a gift. Now that he (and I) are fully weaned, it seems the end of a significant phase in our lives. It is liberating, I won't deny that, and it's nice not to have to sequester myself in a windowless office in order to pump a couple of times a day at work, but I was sad. My baby is growing up.

In this post, I also wanted to note some thoughts on traveling to Minnesota. Before starting my job, I had visited Minnesota only once on my cross country journey as a teenager. I had never been to Rochester and didn't realize that it was home to the Mayo Clinic until I saw a list of our medical school alumni and wondered why there was such a concentration of them in Rochester. My first trip to Rochester was last spring and it is so weird to be visiting a town that seemingly revolves around a world-famous medical institution. In the hotel on that trip, a family was checking in and I realized that they were most likely staying in Rochester so that one member of the family could be seen by the medical professionals at Mayo - was it a parent? Was it one of the children? The entire downtown area is a maze of Mayo buildings - I'm not sure if there is any other industry there. I was reminded of this just a few minutes ago when I glanced over at the woman seated across the aisle from me on the plane. She and her son are traveling together. She carried an old, hard shell briefcase and didn't appear to be a routine business traveler. As she was reviewing the contents of the manila folder on her seat-back tray, I noticed that there were several business cards stapled to the folder with what seemed to be medical logos on them. Are she and her son traveling to Rochester when they land in Minneapolis? Are they hoping for a miracle at Mayo? I will never know, but it did give me pause. I said a prayer for my family and for my friends, Jill and Chris, and was thankful that I am going to be visiting Rochester on business.

Summer Time: Hiking, Picking, Partying, and Eating

It's summertime and we are making the most of it (especially when the heat index is below 100). Over the last few weeks, we've had some wonderful adventures that we can share with you in pictures. Here is a picture of Anderson and Jonathan on A's very first hike around Radnor Lake - both boys look like they are having fun, don't they? I believe that you can click on this picture to open an album of photos documening our activities.

We've also gone blueberry picking way down in Henryville, TN (pronounced Hen-er-vul) at the Blueberries on the Buffalo farm. There, we were warmly greeted by farm owners Dan and Debbie who demonstrated the proper way to pick blueberries - "if they hold tight, they aren't ripe" - and encouraged us to taste as we picked. After sampling all four varieties, we settled on the "powder blues" - I'm sure that had nothing to do with the color that is quite similar to another shade of blue popular in our family. We also mixed some "premieres" in to the GALLON of berries that we took home with us. I quickly got online and found a blueberry cheesecake ice cream recipe (from Cooking Light - yippee!) and dug out an old recipe for berry cobbler. Up next, blueberry bran muffins and blueberry zucchini bread. Yummy!



We've been working the one year old birthday circuit as well with celebrations for neighbors Maggie and Will. And what is summer without some time in the pool? Jonathan and Anderson have been punching in some pool time with Jonathan's classmate, Laura, and her family. They were also kind enough to invite us to a 4th of July cookout at their house.

Finally, Anderson started eating solid foods on Sunday and literally "ate it up." We've thought he was ready for a while now, but I'm not sure that we were. He gave us all of the signs - watching us when we ate, trying to mimic us as we chewed, chewing on nearly everything he can get his hands on - and so when the big event finally happened he was a natural. We think that he actually ingested a good bit of the rice cereal, but you'll see that there was plenty on his face to make a great picture. We hope to post some video for you, soon.

So many firsts

Anderson is FIVE months old, today (can you believe it?!) and it has been far too long since our last post. He's racked up many firsts over the last several weeks. Rather than share every last detail with you, I'll just list the highlights here and leave room for more at some future point when I have more time than I know what to do with. But first, a few updates: Jonathan's summer vacation officially kicked off this weekend as he completed his June class. He and Anderson have been having a swell time together while I'm at work and have had several playdates with some of Jonathan's classmates who are also stay-at-home dads this summer. Hopefully, Jonathan will be able to post some of the video from these get togethers, soon, that feature our charming little A. One of the little girls was so taken by him that she tried to crawl right into his carseat with him! How 'bout that?!

And now, Anderson's highlights:
* FIRST Henna party (boys aren't usually allowed, so it's extra special) for our friend Sona's wedding
* FIRST time rolling over from tummy to back (and we captured it on video for you)
* Anderson loves sitting up in the Bumbo like a big boy (thank you neighbors)
* He can hold his bottle all by himself
* There is lots of jabbering these days and on one day, Anderson focused on the "Mmmm" sound (could he be trying to say Momma?), but he hasn't done it since. We do hear "Ah-gooo" sounds, too, regularly and we just love the way his mouth forms this perfect little "O" at the end of Ahh-gooo...it's just precious.
* FIRST dip in the pool at Mommy's friend Kelly's house (Erin, please notice the float)
* Daddy's FIRST overnight away from us - he went to the Methodist Western Conference meeting in Asheville
* FIRST all day babysitter (our friend, Kira) - Daddy was at the conference and mommy was at work
* FIRST time in church nursery - the ladies were just fine, but this gave us a taste of how hard it's going to be to leave him at daycare all day, every day
* 4 month doctor visit: 14 lbs, 12 oz (38 %ile); 26" (66 %ile); 41.5 cm head circumference; he did wonderfully with his shots
* Wawa and Granddaddy visited for a couple of days, and they watched A while Mommy and Daddy went to their first concert at the historic Ryman Auditorium - Patty Griffin (singer of Heavenly Day from our wedding) and friends...FABULOUS!
* Bedtime: We've started a bedtime routine of sorts that includes some baby massage, some music, some books, and some cuddles, and Anderson is able to fall asleep in his crib...now on to tackling naps!

We've also had much to celebrate in May and June - our 3rd anniversary (May 19th), Jill's birthday (June 5th), and Jonathan's birthday (June 22nd) - and now have Mother's and Father's days to add to the mix.